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The cloud lifting up

September 5, 2011

The cloud that has been hovering over me has been lifted up…

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul (Psalm 143:8).”

Doctor’s prescription : Homocysteine formula (B complex vitamins, TMG and Zinc)
Chromium (sugar metabolism)
Milk Thistle (for the liver), Gingko (to help the memory), Kail Phospate (for the nerves- reduce anciety)

God’s prescription: Faith, love and hope
Friends who will think you are still a good egg even if you are already cracked up!
Had a good laugh with friends last 30th August and great great Sunday evening last night with friends and family.

Life is indeed getting better… thank you Lord!

Hmmm, by the way, I consulted our endocrinologist last Saturday about starting low dose chelation using DMSA, as I expected he asked me to wait under 6 months for mercury to show up in my Hair elements test. It is illegal for doctors to chelate patients without mercury showing up in diagnostic tests. I respect his opinion and I still love going to him. We had a good laugh, as I recounted several scenarios wherein I thought I am getting early Alzheimers or autistic tendencies. He said, Gingko Biloba should help, but it will take at least 2 weeks before it takes effect. He asked me to continue taking my natural progesterone during the lutheal phase of my menstruation to help me control my moods. And to use reminders to ensure I take my supplements on time and never skip it.

I downloaded an iphone apps called isupplement to track my supplements and Pink pad to monitor my menstrual cycle (so I know when my lutheal phase is). THis month my lutheal phase starts on 13th Sept and ends 27 Sept (day 14-28 of my menstrual cycle). I am also monitoring my basal temperature every morning, and can conveniently enter it on the Pink pad too..

Now, I begin to forgive Nanay for her bad tempers — it seems women can really not control their hormones from getting the best out of them. Before Nanay’s cancer I always tell her that her moods is something that she can control, if only she will use her mind more than her emotions. I was wrong, apparently we cannot really control our hormones. For several years, I have been trying to control my irritability and my tendency to be at extremes. I can be extremely enthusiastic about certain things and then withdraw for several weeks or months. This dissappoints most of my friends, but I really cannot help it. Now, I am also learning to forgive myself and all the other women whom I have encountered with what I thought are “ATTITUDE PROBLEMS”.

I have learned to stop making life-altering decisions when I know I am in extremely bad shape (e.g. not able to sleep for less than 8 hours each day, not able to eat a balanced nutritious meal for the last 3 days or when I have not made an effort to pray and meditate).

I have learned how to sail through my cycle. Apparently the best time to make decisions is at the lutheal phase of my menstrual cycle and the best time to exert extra physical effort (e.g. starting to exercise after a period of hybernation) is also during the lutheal phase. If I am going to make any major presentations at work, the best time to do this is also during the lutheal phase.

I know this may sound egotistical (imagine saying to my insurance agent ” I will have to talk to you on the 18th — because I am not in the mood today”)… but in the long run, I know that this will set the right expectations and also help me manage my time wisely. We cannot say YES to everyone and end up saying NO to everyone when burnt out.

this is probably the reason why in the New Testament, Paul recommends that women do not hold major leadership position in the Church, but to provide advices to the leadership team at a “limited basis”. I assume Paul knows that women’s hormones can get the best out of them, and may harm the Church as a whole, when women make hasty or hormone induced decisions or even outbursts. This is also the reason why, I stepped down from a leadership position in our Church, but made myself available on a consulting basis (again sounds egotistical), but honestly, I really just want to do what would be good for everyone else. It does not make sense, if I do something “great” today and end up frustrating everyone else around me, when they cannot contact me for days on end.

Now I do not feel guilty about saying NO to Church leadership, as it means saying YES to what God really wants me to do– to offer the best of my abilities at the right time– and not just work like a drone—!!I know some women have really good metabolism and probably are hormonally balanced– they can be more consistent than me– but still I believe our role as women is to keep the house, not keep leaders at church in check. God will keep the leaders in check. As women, we have to keep our household in check, so that our men can focus on what they were designed to do– keeping the church and our finances in check!

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