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Toxic Relationships

February 5, 2012

Most cancer patients,I have observed are either over dominating/controlling or abused… most of them were or are still in a toxic relationship.. We know toxins in our food can destroy our bodies..Toxic relationships have the same effect..

Judges 9:7-15
King James Version (KJV)
7And when they told it to Jotham, he went and stood in the top of mount Gerizim, and lifted up his voice, and cried, and said unto them, Hearken unto me, ye men of Shechem, that God may hearken unto you.

Jotham is one of the brothers of Abimelek. In this story, Abimelek is being referred to as the thornbush, while the Schechmites (people who live in Schechem), are being referred to as the Trees…

8The trees went forth on a time to anoint a king over them; and they said unto the olive tree, Reign thou over us.

The trees (Schecmites) were desperate to annoint a King, for someone to lead them.. instead of approaching Christ for Lordship in their lives the approached 3 different candidates. In modern times, women tend to do this too, instead of looking to Christ us our Lord, we look for men (either our fathers, brothers or boyfriends/husbands) to “protect” us, or “Lord over us”… we are so desperate to submit to someone and ended up with the wrong person to submit to because most of the time we fail to consult God for every major decision we make (whether its a choice of a husband, a boss, a boyfriend.., a doctor even..)

9But the olive tree said unto them, Should I leave my fatness, wherewith by me they honour God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?

In this example the olive tree rejected the offer to be King of all the trees, as the olive tree is very comfortable in its own capacity to honour God and Man by giving away his healing oil. He does not feel inclined to rule over other trees– as he already know his value.

10And the trees said to the fig tree, Come thou, and reign over us.

This certainly demonstrates the pattern of humanity (not just the Schemites)… when we fail to find happiness from something or someone, we then to jump into the next best thing (often settling for the second best)…

11But the fig tree said unto them, Should I forsake my sweetness, and my good fruit, and go to be promoted over the trees?

In this instance, the fig tree also rejected the opportunity to rule. As the fig tree knows his produce (fruit) is of value. He does not need a crown to be prove himself to anyone.

12Then said the trees unto the vine, Come thou, and reign over us.

Some of us even settle for the third best..

13And the vine said unto them, Should I leave my wine, which cheereth God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees?

In this instance, even the vine rejected the offer. As he is more comfortable providing cheer to God and man.

14Then said all the trees unto the thornbush, Come thou, and reign over us.

Alas, there was no one else available so we settle for a good for nothing (err useless) thornbush.. to reign over our lives instead of coming to the feet of Jesus to deliver us.

15And the thornbush said unto the trees, If in truth ye anoint me king over you, then come and put your trust in my shadow: and if not, let fire come out of the thornbush, and devour the cedars of Lebanon.

Its funny though, that most of the time the worst choice would be the most arrogant, and controlling of all. Since a thornbush does not produce oil, fruit or cheer, he tend to brag of things that he cannot keep, of promises that he cannot fulfill, and even threaten you if you fail to submit to him/her. Its the very nature of a tyrannical boss or husband. He can control you either physically or emotionally by words or even by hitting you.

The question then is why most of us stay in a toxic relationship?

Here is another story..
A woman who was in a toxic relationship for years, put it this way, ”

I did’nt want to move out of hell. I knew the names of all the streets”.

She valued the perceived security of familiarity over the unpredictability of freedom.

All of us maybe in the same situation as this woman in one way or another.. the Bible exhorts us to seek God’s face whether we are the thornbush or the trees… that we seek God to find our true value and that we seek God to find our Lord, Saviour, Protector and Healer. That we seek consult Him first in every decision we make. So when confronted with too many choices (Herceptin or Not, Chemo or Not? Gerson, Breuss.Kelly Enzyme Therapy, STem Cell Therapy), whatever choice you are confronted with… seek God’s choice for you.. pray..! medidate! on His will for your life.. so that you will be at peace that whatever choice you make is sanctioned by God..that He is in control and will give you the power to push through whatever consequences (good or bad) you will have to face based on the decision you made today. This way, you won’t become a pushover (someone who will be swayed by every fad) and also not become a fanatic (that you even miss the forest for the trees).

If you are in a toxic relationship whether as the abuse or the abuser, you have to know that God loves you and all you need is God’s leave to see your real value and to see who you can entrust your live with.

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